Define yourself radically as one beloved by God. This is the true self. Every other identity is illusion.

- Brennan Manning

Since I've started this platform where I help you live a whole life and do my part in elevating consciousness, I've felt very vulnerable about sharing some of the darkest and lowest points in my life.

I am sharing more and more of my journey because I believe know that our mess is our message. The messiness becomes the catalyst which inspires growth, change and radical transformations if we allow it.

These radical transformations let in awareness. When we become aware of something we can affect change upon it and create a new reality.

For years and years, I spent a lot of time hating myself deeply. This is the only way I knew how to relate to myself and be with myself. I was brought up under the care of my uncle and aunt when my father moved to the United States in the early 90's. I was around 2 years old. Much of those very early years of my life were spent in a toxic environment. My Uncle had anger problems and he rarely was in a good mood. The way he treated me - with emotional and physical abuse became the way I learned to treat myself.

I felt helpless and alone not being with my parents, so I started to drawn inwards. Going from a bubbly, outgoing child to scared and quiet who kept to herself. This did a lot of damage to my self-perception and how I related myself to the world.

When at the age of 5, I finally went back to my mom because we were moving to the United States, she told me that I had completely changed. I lived in fear of people and could barely speak to anyone. I kept quiet and stayed to myself - this is how I learned to be comfortable.

I didn't know it at the time, but I was carrying a lot of anger. There was no one who showed me love or nurtured my child self. Not having anyone to confide in about what I was feeling or going through, I kept it all to myself. I convinced myself that it was my fault for what happened and how I was treated. This only fueled the self-hatred more and this is the way I lived with myself for a very long time.

In the video below I talk more about hate and what it is:

My life is very different today as I have understood the value and importance of loving myself, but mostly of forgiving myself of who I was in the past. It is a consistent daily practice. Going to bed each night as I release everything that is unloving, unforgiving and unaccepting.

Forgiveness sets your free from the burden of hating yourself.

I always remind myself that when I love myself I empower myself - when I hate myself I disempower myself. An empowered person is aligned to God, Spirit, Universe. In that identity is my release from suffering.

Another practice I like to do is send love to my child self. I look at a picture of my child self and say all things I want her to know - how loved, appreciated, beautiful, extraordinary she is. This helps me to be compassionate and kind to myself today.

Forgive with love. Drop the hate, pick up love.

You can begin by writing yourself a love letter or better yet commit to writing one everyday for 30 days as a commitment to loving yourself more. You can grab the Dear Beloved Workbook here.

If you want to go deeper, learn how to create a new self image and free yourself, learn more about coaching with me.